Look, I know it’s Fall. I can see my breath already, and I even brushed my teeth! And unfortunately, Zeus and his little … Zeusettes? have also noticed the change in the seasons and have begun causing a bizarre, yet pervasive phenomenon whereby water droplets condense in the mid- to upper atmosphere over a wide range, precipitating along a course dictated by gravity towards the center of the Earth, only to be stopped upon the surface, where they congregate in forms known as “puddles.”
Yeah, but what are you gonna do about it? Well, if you’re at all like my mother, who was wont to spiel forth with the words “go outside and play” in weather that would keep a polar bear indoors, you shove your kid’s feet into breadbags (in case of soaker) shove the plastic-wrapped for freshness feet into rubber boots, wrassle the kidlet into a raincoast, preferably the kind with the very satisfying snaps like a real New Englander’s, stick a floppy plastic hat the size of Prince Edward Island on her head, and shove her out the door with a cheery, “Be back at six!”
Then you pour some vino and go watch your stories for a few blissful hours while the neighborhood children solemnly play Noah’s Ark yet again with their sodden teddybears and long-suffering Maltipoos.
Oh, it’s a Philip Larkin tale for sure!
But since the sun may not come out tomorrow or, where I live, until next June, we might as well do what we can to brighten the miserable, leaden gloom. Otherwise our children will all grow up to be Goths, right?
Nobody wants that, my friends.
So, to stave off a precocious fondness for Nine Inch Nails, Marilyn Manson, and black nailpolish, we present the unmistakably brilliant Children’s Color Wheel Umbrella from MOMA Online:
You could even get a full-sized one for yourself, should you feel a nostalgic appreciation for The Cure coming on.
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