I’m not one to cry at weddings, and I’m especially not one to cry at the mere mention of a wedding, but I’ll tell you truly that I did tear up just a little when I saw this photograph.

Forget the fact that it’s such a damn fine photo — lucky celebrities, looking gorgeous 95% of the time — and think about how far things had to advance for us to even be seeing it. Yes, we still have a quite ways to go before gay couples can enjoy all of the advantages of legal matrimony, but pics like this are a testament to the fact that things are moving forward.

Now, for the deets. The 20- person affair took place on the grounds of de Rossi and DeGeneres’ Beverly Hills home. Both brides wore designs by Zac Posen…de Rossi in a beautiful cream and pink halterneck gown, and DeGeneres in a cream ensemble of vest, shirt, and pants. The happy couple sat on pillows while exchanging rings created by Neil Lane before they sat down to an all-vegan meal followed by a vegan red velvet cake.

I wish both of them all of the happiness the world has to offer!

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I love that inspiration can come from anywhere, anything, or anyone. Just yesterday, The Beard and I were at one of our local beaches, swimming, soaking up the sun, and looking for beach glass. Amid the sea junk, The Beard found a mussel shell that was a vivid blue outside and a beautiful silver on the inside. After inspecting it for a bit, he said — and I was so damn proud at that moment — “Wouldn’t these make great wedding colors?”

To The Beard I say, “Here you are, my dear.”

Moving clockwise-ish from the top left, there is a Nicole Miller stretch taffeta dress, the Amaya pump from LAUREN by Ralph Lauren, a blue chalcedony sterling silver ring from Overstock.com, an invitation from Leigh’s Wishing Well, a JS Boutique cutaway shoulder gown, a hydrangea centerpiece, a deep blue aisle runner, and a hydrangea bouquet.

A lovely combo, yes?

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I love when the comments on an article are better than the article itself. A few months back, the Washington Post published a frankly tired piece on saving matrimonial money in these tough economic times. Those interviewed were forced by trying circumstances to cut their guest lists from 240 to 200 (gasp!), to stuff envelopes themselves (Gasp!), and to get married in the Bahamas (GASP!). Oh, woe is them, right? This is my favorite response:

Was the article on “less expensive” weddings ["The Big Day Gets Smaller"] intended to upset readers? We read about these poor souls who are downsizing their $40,000 weddings to budgets of less than $30,000. They are forced to opt for destination weddings to reduce the number of guests. One bride-to-be said she was “even considering who is a better gift-giver, like my dad’s friends, to keep on the guest list.” Give me a break.

If the purpose of your wedding is to rake in cash and gifts, why invite anyone? Just send contribution envelopes to your contributors, er, “guests.” Maybe you could even include suggested “gift” amounts. Then you could mail thank-you postcards from your honeymoon. Oh, wait, perhaps it would be easier to just have the guests fill out and mail their own thank-you notes, too.

Amusing, no? Had I read the article in question when planning my own wedding, I would have laughed until I cried. For The Beard and I, there was no “This is just how much weddings cost in this zip code.” It was our responsibility to figure out how we could afford to feed and entertain our guests using the money we had, not the money some random online app like Cost of Wedding told us we should spend.

It’s all well and good when you have $30,000 to kick around, so downsizing from $40,000 is a trial, but doable…but how can those of us with a lot less keep costs down without resorting to tacky tactics like inviting only those people guaranteed to fork out the cash? Here’s how:

Do: Downsize your roster of attendants.
Don’t: Choose only your richest friends to be bridesmaids and groomsmen, regardless of the depth of your relationships.

Do: Serve mainly vegetarian fare for dinner and sheet cake for dessert.
Don’t: Hope and pray that 40% of your invited guests can’t make it so you don’t have to beg your in-laws for money to cover the cost of 200 plates of filet mignon.

Do: Print your own invitations using less expensive blank cardstock and a template.
Don’t: Send out an Evite to everyone whose e-mail address you’ve collected in the past five years.

Do:Serve a small selection of wine and beer instead of cocktails.
Don’t: Put “BYOB” in big, bold letters on your save-the-date cards and invitations.

Do: Skip the favors.
Don’t: Buy something tacky, useless, and non-recyclable at the dollar store just so people can see you made the effort.

Do: Carefully compose your guest list to ensure it stays small without excluding anyone truly important to you.
Don’t: Create an A-list and a B-list — if the B-listers are lucky, they’ll have a chance to watch you get married.

Do: Elope.
Don’t: Have your ceremony and reception in a locale you know that is almost impossible for guests to get to so you get gifts without actually having to deal with family or planning logistics.

Do: Get married in the wintertime, on a Sunday, or in the morning.
Don’t: Get married on a Wednesday in the dead of night.

Do: Let go of outdated ideas of what a wedding should be.
Don’t: Assume that any wedding that costs less than $30,000 will be absolute crap and not worth having.

Do: Have a wedding that rocks because it’s *your* wedding.
Don’t: Try to outdo your bitchy cousin who got married last year or live up to some ideal you saw in a bridal magazine.

Do: Stick to your budget, even if it means prioritizing and making sacrifices.
Don’t: Take our a wedding loan or burn through your savings.

Those are my favorite money savers — but we want to know how you’re keeping costs down!

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(huddles over sweet, life-giving caffeine)

Last night was a long night.

(The light, Precious! It burns!)

I was up late because Mr. Twistie’s band was having a concert. Then I needed to check whether Michael Phelps managed to beat Mark Spitz’s Olympic record before I could go to bed.

(Quaffs coffee)

But there was one more thing that kept me awake. It was a good thing. The lead guitarist in Mr. Twistie’s band just got engaged to one supremely awesome lady. She’s not only beautiful and talented, but also has one of the most perverted senses of humor I’ve had the pleasure of witnessing. These two are a perfect match. Twistie gives a big thumbs up!

Of course I made sure she had the address for this site before the night was out. After all, I wanted to make sure they were getting the best advice possible for planning their big day!

So this morning, my scrambled brains are all filled with thoughts on how to get started in plotting - er - planning a wedding. Here are some tips I consider important:

1: Know where to get good advice. In addition to this blog, make sure you’ve got a couple other sources you can rely on. Never teh Bride’s excellent book is a great resource, as is the always correct Miss Manners. Between Never teh Bride and Miss Manners, you can’t go too far wrong. Also see the links at the right-hand side of this blog. You’ll find some great blogs and websites to help you find your way through the potentially confusing world of wedding planning.

2: Know what you want. Before you start making final decisions about anything, take a little time to consider what sort of a wedding you want to have. Keep in mind this ‘you’ is not ‘you, the bride’ but ‘you, the couple.’ Take a little time to dream together. Really talk about what’s important to each of you. It’s harder for anyone, be it a wedding professional, a parent, a friend, or a random stranger to convince you to have the wedding you don’t want if you know what sort of wedding you do want. Big or small, formal or in, religous or secular, solemn or silly, formal white gown or awesome gold pantsuit…there’s no real wrong style. There’s only what is or isn’t right for you as a couple.

3: Know what you have to work with. Again, before you make too many decisions, you need to sit down and figure out the realities involved. Where you live, where your families live, how much money you have in your bank account, what skills you have, and who you know will all make a big difference in the practical aspects of your plans. Remember to keep in mind your assets as well as the potential roadblocks you face. After all, when Mr. Twistie and I got engaged we didn’t have two shiny nickles to rub together, but we had plenty of skills, imagination, and friends to help us create the day we wanted to have.

4: Remember: if you’re getting terribly stressed out, you’re not doing it right for you. Planning a wedding can be stressful, and probably will be at some point in the process. There are Big Emotions and Huge Expectations involved, so chances are there will be something that makes you crazy about it. This is normal. But if everything about it is making you break out in hives, it’s time to rethink matters from the ground up. Planning the right wedding for you will still have its moments, but it’s a joyful process with a couple bumps along the road rather than a never-ending horror story.

5: The wedding is one day. Plan for your lives as well as your wedding. Too many people - not just brides, but parents, vendors, best buddies, and nosy neighbors, as well - get caught up in the myth of ‘one perfect day.’ The day will not be perfect. The wedding is a very special day, but at the end of that day you’ve got a lot of years ahead of you filled with good days, bad days, just days, milestone days, and plenty of other chances to get your way about a lot of different things. Think about the wedding, yes, and put care into it. Just don’t lose track of the rest of your life while you’re doing it.

So who else has some good advice to get one of my all-time favorite couples started on the right path to a great wedding and an even better marriage?

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Knock-knock! Anybody there?

Last week I hit you with this rather astonishing image:

…and precisely one of you responded with a caption.

Of course, if it’s good, one is all you need. Luckily, that was the case here. Congratulaions to daisyj! She sent in the only entry, but in all honesty if I’d had a dozen to choose from, she would probably have won anyway with this one:

Even Ellie had to admit that holding a postmortem wedding had its drawbacks, but she did save a bundle on outfits for the attendants.

Well done, daisyj!

And for those of you wondering about the Olympic connection, follow the cut and find out.

The groom is Chinese Olympic diving champion Tian Liang. His bride is Ye Yiqian, a singer and one of the top winners at the 2005 singing contest Super Girl. They were married in a private ceremony in Xian, northern Chinas Shaanxi province on November 29, 2007. Tian won gold in synchronized 10m platform diving at the Athens Olympics. Since then, he was suspended from the national team for spending too much time on commercial activities and refusing to train. He is now retired from diving. As amusing as I find their wedding pictures, I wish them a long and happy marriage.

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